We return to BenThoughts nine months after the previous post, which to my bewilderment came in August before my senior year of college had begun. Now that is all over, and we start to talk about things that really matter, namely Cedar Point…
To some people out there, all roller coasters are the exact same – a wild ride and an invitation to vomit all over the place. But no, my friends, not all roller coasters were created equal. This is especially true at Cedar Point, a place of hope and wonder. We have 17 roller coasters to choose from at America’s rocking roller coast, so I give you the thumbs-up to read, and critique, my rankings of the best roller coasters at Cedar Point…backwards to front…
17) Woodstock Express – It was cool when I was 8. Actually, I never rode it when I was 8, but I’m sure it was cool then. I don’t know anything at all about this ride; I have been to the park twice and I have never seen it. I would make it a goal to ride it this year, but that would waste ten minutes of my life and, more importantly, my time at Cedar Point.
16) Jr. Gemini – I guess Gemini got so big for them that they had to cut it down a bit. The result is the second worst roller coaster at Cedar Point. In any case, Jr. Gemini goes into the ‘Woodstock Express’ category of ‘I’ve never seen the coaster and I don’t expect ever riding it.’ But stranger things have happened. Oh, I’m assuming this is a wooden “coaster” because its Daddy is as well.
NOTE: The following 15 roller coasters I have indeed ridden. I should be considered the ultimate expert on them and my authority should not be questioned. But I encourage discussion.
15) Wildcat – Straight out of the carnival, the herky-jerky Wildcat sits in the shadows of other monstrous coasters of which we will discuss later. But this is a fun option if you are heading out of the park and want a last, cheap thrill. Seriously, it is a fun ride, but it doesn’t compare to the others we shall see.
14) Cedar Creek Mine Ride – Well, Wildcat might compare to this one. In the mold of Wildcat, Cedar Creek employs that distinctive mine car feel that takes you up and down and all around. It is cool that it’s suspended over a pond and it inevitably rains while riding it, leaving you with a cool sensation on your face. I don’t know, that sounds lame, but it’s a good time. The line is short too.
13) Blue Streak – This wooden roller coaster is a thrill – if we lived in 1960. In any case, the scenery is cool as the coaster is located right on the lake, or the ocean…whatever it is. It is surprisingly rough, but I guess that’s not surprising at all given how old the track is. Good warm-up ride though.
12) Mantis – In the mold of Chang at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom, this track would probably be in higher regard to many fans out there. But I’ve never been a huge fan of the stand-up roller coasters, and this one isn’t even as good as Chang. The trick is to keep your feet off of the cart floor, or your legs will explode. Also, bring Advil for your head pain after the ride.
11) Iron Dragon – Think Top Gun, or at least what used to be Top Gun at Kings Island before Cedar Point bought it and had to be gay and change the names (I know, Paramount’s names couldn’t stay, but whatever). Anyway, this isn’t much of a thrill. It’s worth one ride, as all coasters are (except #16 and #17).
10) Corkscrew – Located right beside Mantis and Iron Dragon, Corkscrew is blue and white (which plays to the UK bias in me), but it doesn’t really pack a punch. It does corkscrew you around and takes you directly beside the patrons as they watch you ride the #10 roller coaster at Cedar Point. It is an acceptable use of 5 minutes of your day.
and 9) Gemini and Mean Streak – The two wooden roller coasters of any merit, I honestly cannot remember the difference between these two, not to say these aren’t enjoyable wooden roller coasters. But if there’s one things that Kings Island does better than Cedar Point, it’s the wooden roller coaster. Perhaps the goal of this journey is to decipher which wooden coaster is better, and maybe figure out which one is which. That’s a good goal I feel.
7) Disaster Transport – OK, first of all, this is a terrible ride. It cost a zillion dollars for Cedar Point to build, and I’m not sure what possessed them to think that an indoor roller coaster would be a good idea. It’s only 45 seconds, and you will yawn every moment, but there’s not an experience in this world like “riding” Disaster Transport.
NOTE: Then there are six that stand alone. You could call them the SUPER SIX, or the SPECTACULAR SIX, or the SEXY SIX…it’s whatever.
6) Top Thrill Dragster – OK, so it’s a top favorite of many, many people out there, but in my opinion, a two-hour wait is not worth the ten exhilarating seconds that this ride provides. For newbies out there, this ride shoots you off in a dragster at 120 MPH and you power straight up a hill, come to rest at the top (barely), and tumble straight down toward the earth. Of course, if I was ever riding and the car didn’t make it up the hill, therefore coasting back toward the ground backward, then I think this ranking will improve quite a bit.
5) Wicked Twister – It’s very similar to Top Thrill actually, but not really. The ride shoots you off up a slope as you twist around, then you come flying back toward the earth, through the station, and back up a slope going backward and facing the group. This process repeats about five times, and I’m yelling and screaming the whole time and it’s awesome. It’s also located right on the lake, and that gives it a cool feeling I guess.
4) Magnum XL-200 – After my first visit to Cedar Point, I was not impressed with Magnum at all. But for round two, it stepped up to the plate and blew me away. It’s not gonna flip you over or take you at extreme speeds, but it will knock ribbons out of your hair and allow Brandon McNeil to make spectacular catches to save it. Of course, last year, the experience was made more glorious when I saw Maverick’s cars running from the top of Magnum, as the then-new coaster had been closed all day. It was a special moment.
3) Raptor – It is the first coaster we will ride, and it’s certainly no pushover itself. With your legs suspended, you get a great first look at the park flipping through the air and praying to God that your shoes stay on. Even though this coaster has always had the potential of making me a little woozy (a rarity for a roller coaster), I guess it comes from being the first coaster we ride. But it’s a solid, if not spectacular ride which is a perfect start to our day…and half-day.
2) Maverick – Slick and smooth, Maverick came out two summers ago and I got my first taste of it last summer from the front row. It’s darn good. You take off at a 92-degree drop, so yes, you are going more down than just straight down. There’s a massive speed boost in the middle of the ride, which is cool. There’s not one bump on the track, so get ready for the smoothest ride of your life. It is a very, VERY good roller coaster, but come on friends, it is no match for…
1) MILLENNIUM FORCE – It is the best roller coaster in the world. I haven’t ridden all the roller coasters in the world, but I know I’m right when I say this. When you combine the fact of the cool techno theme music, and the mighty climb, and the AWESOME first drop by the lake, and the banked curves, and the tunnels, and the place where the camera takes your picture, and the fact that I rode this ride seven straight times at the end of the day last year, and the fact that I sang Marvelous Light while climbing the hill one time, you get the best thing in the world. It is pure awesomeness.
Well there you go. Draw your own conclusion my friends when you go to the park. Until then, blindly accept my opinions.
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